Friday, November 11, 2016

On this journey ...

12 Nov 2016

In a jiffy, I decided to move to New Zealand. It was a very easy decision for various reasons. They were certainly not positive reasons, but the result was indeed very positive, which I realised at a later point in time. All I knew then was, I wanted to GET OUT. I din’t realise it myself that this was an unconscious effort towards LETTING GO & MOVING ON. 

After coming to New Zealand, no doubt I had lot of time for myself, with myself. But I still consumed myself in the same situations, people, thoughts as they were back in India. I ignored all the warnings, continued the drama and justified them efficiently so that I don't loose my self-respect. 

Photo credits: Google images

I shied away from realising nature's intention behind this leap. Naturally, this ignorance created lot of turmoil in the mind. I shut off from all the beautiful things in life and focussed all the left-over energy on possessing happiness from that one object of attachment. Until I finally heard a stern voice, loud and clear, demanding an answer, an action, -"What is it you are hanging on to? How long will you continue this play, this DRAMA? What is happening? Hmm?". 

The journey had just begun, I knew it will be a bumpy ride. I did not weep yet. Bottling up feelings, good or bad has been my favourite hobby. What unfolded in next few months on this amazing roller coaster ride, gave me the pleasure of realising what it really feels like when your soul is squeezed and juiced for the last drop of spirit left in you. Every twitch had a bundle of learnings to offer. I collected all of it and treasured them for the foreseen rainy days. 

I grew quieter now. I stopped talking to myself. Easy. Keep yourself busy. To only realise, that one day, it would leave me paralysed. Only at this stage I realised that I needed help. And I returned to my home, where my heart is!

I took refuge in the lap of mother nature for several days. Every moment spent with her was an experience beyond comprehension. The memories of which will leave me remain grateful for the rest of my life. I returned healed.

  Photo credits: Google images

Throughout this ride, I was awed by the nature's way of reassuring me, "I love you my dear and I will take care of you".