Kedarnath - A note of gratitude

Longing to visit Kedarnath has been for years. I would be in tears seeing the pictures of this sacred place on instagram and little did I know I would go there soon, and on an auspicious day, HIS birthday, Tera May.

Kedarnath Dham

When I left Rishikesh on the 9th May, the plan was to stay in Ukhimath for a couple of days and figure out where I go next. But I had change of plans and Tunganath happened. I realised later that Tunganath was on my go-to list too. When I reached the temple, I looked around the small sanctum, soaking in all that was around, I sat in a corner for good few minutes and touched the walls of this ancient temple in pure admiration. The temple is simple yet captivating. 

Tunganath Temple, Chopta

After Tunganath, I was all the more eager to head to Kedarnath. Mentally. Physically I was very tired. 

Since the number of piligrims flocking towards Kedarnath were uncontrollable, there were rumours about the temple being closed for 3 days, 4 days, 10 days and what not. This news, did not, even for once, question my decision to head towards Sonaprayag. Yes the weather is a factor which is not in anyone’s control, the flash floods in 2013 is still fresh in our minds but something inside me was so sure and at the same time kept praying that the walk and temple remains open. 

My health was yet another thing I was feeling would challenge me from doing the walk. I had not done a long walk for ages. My knee had a hard time walking down from Tunganath to Chopta. It was so bad that when I reached Sonaprayag around 9 pm, I could hardly walk without moving my leg crookedly so that it doesn’t pain. I had also picked up a stomach bug on my previous travel and it would show up every now and then. A 20 km walk without a toilet break was something I had to be prepared for (JFYI, there are toilets on the way but the usability is highly questionable) 

I still remember, that moment when I stepped out of my room at 3 am the next morning, wondering if I start the walk or stay another day for the body to heal. It was still dark but noisy on the street. Many had started their walk already and looking at them, it struck, that its not the fitness or the gears that would take me or anyone up there. It is only one thing that would, and that’s, faith. 

I started my walk at 5 am from Gauri Kund. 

Weather gods knew what’s best for me and had managed to set the scene perfectly. Nice clear day, not too sunny, not too cold. 

River Mandakini gushing beneath your feet, accompanies you pretty much all the way up.

The knee pain seemed to have disappeared even though it felt like I dint get any rest last night. 

I was half way (10 kms into the walk), I felt this is all I could do. I cannot walk another step. I thought some food might help. Up until now I was only munching on salt roasted channa. I stopped for a Aloo paratha which instilled some energy for sure. I resumed my walk. But the walk was only getting harder with every step. And the climb got steeper from here. There was no way I would hope on a horse or dholi or basket. My only option was to walk. 

I knew it wasn’t going get any easier so the only option left was to get stronger. Luckily, being HIS pataka guddi always been my biggest strength. Mind is indeed a powerful tool, and HE tools to encash that power always comes in handy. From here on, something pushed me up.

It was 1230 pm when I reached the temple. I wept like a child for 30 mins. I was excited too and called my husband but had to hung up halfway because I wasn’t able to speak a word. It was a blissful afternoon and I could just sit there forever. 

I managed to get the darshan twice in the evening. Never enough, for the inside of the temple is pure magic. It captivates all of you. The evening Aarthi is like his Tandav, mystic and mesmerising. The energy levels are hightened and very palpable. One can meditate with open eyes here. 

Sri Adi Shankaracharya's Samadhi

The Bheema rock, behind the temple, is a proof of HIS eternal protection. 

On HIS birthday, the 13th May, I joined a long darshan line at 445 am. The temple opens at 430 am. It was 8 am when I reached the temple. The wait was joyful. Watching the first ray of sun touching the snow peaks, the glittering slopes of ice, like HIS armour made of gold. It was beyond just beautiful. HIS adobe is not something anyone can describe in words. 

When I entered the temple this time and stood in front of the shiv ling, the bear lingam is so powerful that I experienced a jolt of energy in my body, which at the same time, felt like an innocent, pure consciousness. It was like a gentle greetings from HIM. 

When it was time to leave, I stopped my walk after a kilometre, unable to continue any further. The emotions welling up once again. And I blabbered to myself, something I wouldn’t understand, but mostly tears rolling down in gratitude. Not wanting to leave this ecstatic place, I questioned, Why. And pat came the answer, HE himself won’t stay here all year my dear. Imagine what would HE experience when it's time to leave HIS adobe come winters. I left with that answer. Feeling extremely grateful. 

Lots of Love

P.S., For most it won’t, but if the mind is stuck figuring out whether I address Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar or Lord Shiva as HE/HIM/HIS, see if you can drop it. If not, probe into it. 

More love. 

Nadi Pariksha (Pulse check) - story of a miracle at 4 am

06 February 2019

Its 4 am and my body woke in pain. The whole of my lower back mainly the base of the spine in excruciating pain.

I first noticed a slight pain yesterday as soon as I woke up. It wasn't very bad, I could still do my regular yoga practice, sat through for 8 or more hours at work and then little more running around into the evening, by which the pain had considerably gone up. By bed time, I was hardly able to get up or sit still and was walking like a penguin. I left a message to my sister who is a healer to do her magic.

And come this morning, I was immobile. Even the slightest thought of moving my lower body was painful. When I touched my lower back, I felt a chill raising up the spine. I have never had such pain or anything closer so far in my entire life. In distress I reached out to my phone to read my sister's response that she was very sick and she cannot heal in such conditions as the sickness could transfer to me. Staying miles away from family and not knowing anyone around who can rightly point me to the root of it, made me anxious.

At wee hours of morning, in the peak of New Zealand summer, I could not think of any reasons which could have caused this acute pain. In my head, I was skimming through the last few days trying to figure out what could have led me to this. Did I not sleep in the right position, was it during the yoga or gym or the usual culprit, my sitting posture at work. I was clueless & started listening to hymns which gives me some calm. I texted couple of people asking for blessings which came right away. In utter helplessness, I also texted my Nadi Vaidya (Pulse doctor) whom I consult on a regular basis. I get my pulse checked when I go to India and on few occasions she had done it over the phone. I was hoping she could do that again.

I have shared our conversation below. These pictures will do better justice than my words.

If you're amazed by what you just read, I'm with you. She din't even need to call me. I had only heard that with siddhis (special powers) one could connect to the other person from even miles away, well, my turn to experience it!

I was not only able to move my legs, like I said, I was completely surprised that I could do 3 rounds of Pavanmukthasan (Wind relieving pose) which helped me sit up in Vajrasan (Kneeling position sitting on heels). I did a good 5 minutes of Vayu mudra, Vayu (air) mudra (hand gesture) which as the words say helps to regulate and reduce air element in the body.

In a matter of 1 hour, the pain which did not let me move a millimeter had now calmed. All the margaritas, wheat noodles and raw veggies over the last few days had created Vata dosha (air imbalance) which directly affected my movement.

Although I was aware of the power of Yoga (in its wholesome sense which includes Ayurveda, Postures, Breathing techniques, Meditation and a plethora of holistic sciences and sustainable living), today I had a first hand opportunity of experiencing it at a much deeper level.

For now, I am still walking like a penguin, need support to stand up, but at the same time still in disbelief that I'm able to sit up and write this post. 60 minutes and the energy had complete transformation. As this was to me, nothing less than a miracle.

With all my love & gratitude for all those who directly and indirectly helped me on this mission and to this incredible knowledge floating around us, I wish you all good health, peace and prosperity.



Antaraathma

Sustainable Menstruation

This post is about - Why and How, I made the transition from using cloth to pads, to tampons and to menstrual cup.

Taken from google images

Since the age of 15, I have been told to use the pads because it was considered more hygienic than using cloth to collect the period flow. So for more than 15 years now, without questioning this myth, I have been sticking in a pad which comes wrapped in colourful papers, sprayed with pleasant scent and few even patched with floral designs on their inside. It felt heavenly to be switching from clothes to pads, because it needed no washing. Use and throw was the trend then. It was easy to ignore the plastic going down the drain.

I have to thank the whole interlude of Padman movie and the volume of conversations it spurred on Social Media around Menstruation.

I came across menstrual cups on one such posts and was very intrigued. Trust me, inserting anything external into my vagina, till then sounded very bizarre and freaky.

I spent days exploring/reading/discussing about this whole new discovery. It instantly rang a bell for two main reasons. One, Sanitary pads, obverse to my understanding, turns out to be very dangerous to your vaginal health. Two, sanitary pads take centuries to disintegrate. Not sure if they ever even decompose.

Let me just scratch the surface and highlight the impacts of Sanitary Pads on Health and Environment.

Health

The impact of Sanitary pads and tampons range from skin rashes to infertility to cervical and ovarian cancer on a long run. The commonly used chemicals include dioxins, cellulose gel and plastic components in majority. Few manufacturers use harmful pesticides and herbicides as bleaches. It takes no effort for these chemicals to enter the blood stream as they are directly exposed to the vagina.

Composition of a Sanitary Pad, taken from google images

Environment

A quick math highlighted, I was dumping 20-30 cotton pads which is made of 90% plastic with varied doses of superabsorbent gels, every month, which comes up to approx. 360 pads every year. Now let me NOT go any further multiplying this number with number of years, number of women population using pads and stuff. I am so sure that the number is massive and alarming.

Here is to give you a glimpse of the journey of these pads, the raw materials are mostly petroleum products and bleached wood pulp. There are treated with several chemicals to make it hygienic and is dressed up in colourful pouches. Only to sit under your vagina collecting all the period flow, and eventually end up in a landfill. They easily take centuries to disintegrate which means all the pads that you once used as a 15-year-old are still intact in some corner of the world.

This is NOT fun at all.

Some more statistics, taken from google images

So, what are the eco-friendly menstrual options out there

Cotton pads/tampons

Though I had switched to cotton pads/tampons which are lot less harmful to your body, they are still dangerous to the environment unless they are disposed in a sanitary disposal unit.

Cloth Pads

The conventional cloth pads are certainly eco-friendly and hygienic, however, the process of washing and drying them in sunlight is essential and a task. It’s bigger a task while you’re traveling. Inspite of being an environment freak, the idea of switching back to cloth pad was NOT something I was ready for just yet.

Menstrual Cups

It is a flexible silicone or latex rubber cup which collects your period blood. They are folded to insert into your vagina, springs open and rests against the vaginal wall. Inserting and removing the cup involves some learning curve, and when inserted correctly, it is hardly noticeable.

As a first step, I switched to cotton tampons with applicators, later to tampons without applicators and once I got a hang of inserting it, I was ready to try the cup.

Taken from google images

Few hilarious experiences,

·    I was, on one of the attempts, searching for my own hole. That's how ignorant I was about my own body.

·    For some strange reason, I always thought having an active sex life will make it easier to insert the cup. But NO, it doesn’t matter.

·    The first time I was inserting the cup, I realised the value of the F word. I freaked out the first few seconds, but wasn't giving up.

I'm sure there will be heaps of reasons/stories stuck in the mind. It's all OK. Trust me, these are just assumptions/crazy ideas we carry in our heads. Time to break them all. 

Few advices that helped me,

·      Finding the RIGHT CUP IS THE KEY. There are heaps of forums where you can find one that works for you.

·      Fingering yourself to understand the vaginal track helps manoeuvring the cup in and out.

·      Using a lube (I use a good quality coconut oil) makes inserting lot easier.

·      Drink lot of water. This is because, when you insert an external object into your body, it may cause irritation. Water keeps your internal system hydrated.

·      ALWAYS wash your hands before using the cup.

·      Cut your nails, else a scratch on your inside pains like hell.

·      Follow the cleaning instructions carefully.

·      Get used to seeing your period blood up close.

·      Talk about it to friends/family.

Taken from google images

 Pros

·      Reusable (one cup for the whole period)

·      Cost effective in a long run (cups can be used for years)

·     Cleaning is fairly easy (remove - rinse - reinsert) and sterilise in boiling water before and after every period

·      You’ll understand your vagina better

·      Forget those rashes, pain, stain (even after an intense yoga session)

·      Can be worn for long durations (up to 12 hours)

Cons

It was hard to say good bye to long nails which I fancied so much. Yo ladies, if you love your nails, I'm sorry, you gotta get rid of them.

Final words,

I have never felt so good about Periods before this. It feels truly empowering and liberating switching to cups.

I wrote this post with an intention to reach this message to more women out there. Please don’t hesitate to share this with friends and family.

I found some of these links useful,

https://www.menstrupedia.com/

https://youtu.be/_G87oBd6rOw

https://www.facebook.com/groups/sustainablemenstruation/

https://menstrualcup.co/blog/

https://www.goingzerowaste.com/blog/zero-waste-periods-menstrual-cup

https://lunette.co.nz/

Stories

I recently joined a Whatsapp group. The same group which I had left few years ago for some forgotten-for-good reason. This group has few of my really good friends with whom I have spent good 10 years now. With my plans to move to india in near future, joining the group sounded really exciting. It was almost like a virtual home coming for me. Not that I wasn't in touch with them individually, but I always thought bigger the number, better the fun.

But Haaaaang on... I was completely wrong on this.

This is what happened, I joined this group and said my greetings. Minutes pass. NONE of them replied. Not believing my own eyes, I kept looking at my phone for an acknowledgement. Hours pass. NONE came. Bewildered I was, I kept checking anyone has even read the text, only to see all 20 have read but NONE responded. After feeling the initial phase of butterflies in the stomach which turned into anger, frustration and insult, I collected myself and stopped there before I made any judgements about MY friends.

Thoughts fly left, right and centre.

More than feeling let down by people, I stopped and wondered what could have caused this sort of reaction from people. This event stayed with me for a long time. I refused to give up on it, for one, it was the most unexpected thing, second, I was jobless. LOL. I chewed on this so much that, soon, it was not about the group and my friends anymore. It was about empathy and the dynamics of today's lifestyle around it.

By now, I had done some research around the psychology of SM and its impact on our lives. However I was still struggling in my mind to find an explanation to, according to me, a dangerous stage of (r)evolution. Just when I thought I was straying lost like a headless chicken, and was giving upon this exercise, I found this amazing video by Rabia Kapoor.

Watch the video - https://youtu.be/qHVColObQJs

Rabia talks about how caught up we are in this generation of Internet. I highly recommend you to watch this video if you're reading this post and still not arrived at the conclusion that I've lost it. Being an active Social Media member myself, every word spoken in this video is very very powerful and eye-opening.

Few lines, which resonated with me, quite literally were these -

* "We are living such carefully manipulated virtual lives that, sometimes, we end up envying ourselves."
 Yes, this has happened to me lately and I have almost freaked out. This is ... SCARY.

* "We have felt indestructible and vulnerable at the same time."

* "Where you can reveal yourselves completely and still be able to hid."

* "We watched each man becoming an island in so many ways."

* "Stories generate empathy, between any two people who can as different as can be, if one is a story teller and the other is a story told."
This is where she sets the scene for me to find what I was looking for.

* "Stories make us to empathise with people and situations that we never would have been able to otherwise."

* "We live in world where everything moves so fast. People are so busy. You don't get time to tell your stories and worse, you don't get to listen to theirs."
I got my ANSWERS. Somewhere down the line, we have stopped telling our stories and have restricted our conversations to small talks.

* "Law and Rules will hit you from outside, a story gets you from within."

After this video, I rested my case but not the story.

I prayed that our stories don't die out untold.

Tell your story.